Last night, Kyle wrote a love letter for me in the form of a D/s scene, which he posted here this morning. When he showed it to me last night, I was struck by how real it was. He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. At first, I felt a bit awkward and nervous to be so nakedly portrayed in a story, but then I had to smile at how carefully and beautifully he did it.
Many truths are contained in that little story, and I encourage you to go take a look (if for no other reason than because it’s a really hot scene.) One truth is that I am terrible with words, especially when I get excited. On paper, when I really focus, I’ve got an impressive vocabulary, but the bits of my brain that are supposed to deliver words to my mouth never did develop properly. I’ve been told that talking with me is much like playing a game of charades – I use hand motions (hell, sometimes whole-body motions) and “sounds like” most of the time because I can’t remember the word I’m trying to say. My mind works in pictures, colors, scents and feelings, and they defy expression sometimes. I’ve threatened a thousand times to carry a paintbrush and set of watercolors with me everywhere I go so that I can attempt to communicate in my native tongue. So, when I read the dialog he wrote for me, I saw a man who knows me well enough to know I don’t sound like Robert Frost during sex, but more like e. e. cummings. I’d love to be the person who says, “your eyes sparkle like moon dust reflecting the light of a thousand stars,” but I’m more likely to say, “beautiful, beautiful…eyes….like moons…no, stars…dusty…sparkling…lots of them” as I try to communicate the explosion of pictures that flash in my mind.
Another truth that I was feeling shy about was the fact that I use a buzzy toy to get off. Not just occasionally – most of the time. In a sea of sex blogs that describe women who come with a mere whisper or a word, I feel a bit sheepish that it’s always been a hell of a lot more difficult to get me off. It took two years of regular sex before I even figured out how to make it happen, and, even then, it was through a very complicated and sometimes frustrating order of events. When I first discovered my current little buzzy toy, I was overjoyed – here was a way to get me off in less than an hour without ending up with friction burns that made it hard to walk for days. Heck, with this little guy, I can get off in minutes, and I’ve given this same model to friends who had been similarly stymied, to wonderful results. Yes, I was blessed with breasts that come easily – a hard, steady squeeze has me writhing on the floor in seconds – but the lack of easy clit and pussy orgasms was always a source of humiliation…so it was a bit shocking to read that he had included that little detail for all the world to see.
And I could have asked him to remove it – he would have been happy to – but I realized that it’s a good thing to show a little bit of reality, even if it is just porn. I love the way it feels when he fucks me, thrusting hard and holding tight, but that alone won’t get me off, no matter how much I enjoy it, and that’s ok. I’ll thank him with words that don’t always make sense, but he knows to listen to the way I speak them, the way my eyes and hands and mouth communicate, to hear what they mean, and that’s ok. As I’ve said before, it’s one of the highest ecstasies to be known, and to be loved because of, not despite, who you are.
Kyle loves me as I am, for who I am, and that fills me with boundless wonder and deep, rich, bubbly happiness. That is the greatest gift of all.
Wow.. I am glowing from the love you’re expressing here, honey. Yes, I do know you.. all the complex, colorful, wonderfulness of you and I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else. I love you because of your individual quirks, not despite of them. I’m glad you understood me, saw the words and beyond, to the meaning of what I was writing. Loving you is a gift, a pure explosive joy. I’m glad that I can communicate that to you, whether it’s through a love note, a song dedication or a hot, sexy scene.
You are the boundless wonder, love, thank you for allowing me to experience you as you are, in your native land and thank you for coming to visit me in mine.
Until the stars burn out…
… all of them.
oh wow! there are other people like me! I cannot speak the pictures in my head, I’ve never learned to express verbally the emotions/scents and colors I see behind my eyes. When people speak to me I see their words as a mixture of pictures/colors/scents but when I try to describe it…I’m lost. *hugs* I feel your frustration lol but I had to laugh a little at your “beautiful, beautiful…eyes….like moons…no, stars…dusty…sparkling…lots of them” because that so sounds like me!!
I love hearing about how amazing this man is for you, how happy you are and how absolutely in love you two seem to be
You make my heart smile with every written word, no need to speak, I see it clearly.
I just started reading the both of you recently. And I am so intrigued by your entries. It’s really refreshing to read about two people who love eachother so deeply
a) I can SO relate to the verbal issue. I am a writer. My written words flow so easily and almost effortlessly. When speaking, however, I stumble, bumble, stutter my way through life—my brain often shutting down when trying to search for a word that would fly out of my fingertips were I to sit at a keyboard. I absolutely love dirty talk during sex…unfortunately, I have a tough time reciprocating. My vocabulary becomes reduced to the basics: oh. god. fuck. god. wow. jesus. fuck. yes. yes. oh god. and yes. The pornographic Bible.
b) You MUST share the name and location of this buzzy toy so that I, too, may procure one. I have written in reviews that I need major firepower and it’s true. I’ve never tried a Hitachi but I imagine that might do the trick. Well, that or a jackhammer. Seriously, my clit needs major fast and furious action to get me off and there is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed about it. Would that I could do kegels in my seat and be shivering with bliss in seconds, but alas, it is not to be.
Ok Roxy I knew why I loved you – I think the SAME WAY. I taste and smell in colors. I see the things in my mind but I cannot say them. Sometimes it’s a bad thing….sometimes its the fibromyalgia brain fog and I want to say “where’s the fucking mini dry erase board” but instead I just look around until Hub says “whatcha lookin for?” and I stare at him forlornly and say “it’s the rectangular thing, yay big andddd um you write on it and …. ” and he trots off and retrieves the right thing.
usually.
And I use “thingy” a lot. And I direct people by telling them to hang a right at the large white house and stop before the barking dog.
Also I’m vocal about this on my blog and yeah I’m SO jealous of the women who cum so easily…..I need a vibe to get off. Only once has oral sex gotten me off, and fingers? Less than the number of them on one hand. I know how you feel.
*hugs*
Oh yeah, I agree with Scin, share the name of the toy!!
I’ve got a couple that’ll get me off every time…..I’m a puzzle girl and my vibes have to have the right “pieces”. The right intensity and frequency and so on.
Oddly enough, I tend to be much better at writing than I am at speaking – although prepared speaking isn’t *too* bad. lol.
My mind works in colors and shapes and sounds as well (unless I am writing) – and I’ve gotten strange looks from band directors and such when I describe music in shapes (“start from the loopy part and play through to the spiral” doesn’t work for most of them. lol).
I can’t really say much about needing the buzzy toy, except to say that if Luvbunny needed a buzzy toy to get off, then I would damn well make sure she had one that worked. ^_^
I love reading and watching you and Kyle on your blogs and on twitter. It’s amazing to see the kind of love you two have playing out.
(as I told Kyle a few days ago: if the four of us ever get together, the heat would melt down multiple city blocks. lol)
[...] want primarily erotic writing. I want an equal mix. Educational, informative, thought-provoking, cathartic personal posts, and yes of course – smut. Mildly evocative of arousal or hard-core sex on paper. I want it [...]
“As I’ve said before, it’s one of the highest ecstasies to be known, and to be loved because of, not despite, who you are.”
This statement resonated with my soul in light of recent events. Congratulations to you for finding that peace. *hugs*
It is a wonderful privilege to receive these glimpses into your life with Kyle. I loved his post and your response, and am finding that “love” is just not a strong enough word.
Roxy’s favorite vibe is this one:
http://nawtythings.com/bullets.html
Impulse Hypersonic Bullet Vibrator – Discreet, versatile HyperSonic bullet with Impulse 5+ functions of vibration, pulsation and escalation and 10 levels of progressive speed. Hi-tech LED display. Impulse Hypersonic Bullet Vibrator is manufactured by California Exotic Novelties SE0056-120.
Scintillectual: if you really need power, then get a Hitachi. Shop around, because you can find them for $45 or as much as $90.
Why thank you! Yeah…kinda hoping one that one of the toy stores I am doing reviews for will offer up a really high-powered gizmo for me to try out.
I haven’t read the post yet (I’m about to), but already I love that he wrote those realistic bits. They just make things hotter. Just about anyone can write generic scenes, but it’s the personal truths that elevate a scene.
I’m not good with words when I’m aroused, especially when having Skype or phone sex. I just do a lot of moaning and panting with some coherent words thrown in. lol I often feel guilty about, but I’ve been assured I make great sex sounds so I hold on to that. lol
And you know what? Sometimes words just get in the way.
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] (Ed: this piece inspired Roxy to write a response post, The Naked Truth) [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]
[...] The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are. [...]