Looking back at the way I’ve been writing for the past year, even I can see that I’ve been struggling with keeping my head above water. Over the course of time, my posts have been getting darker – not every one, of course, but there’s a definite trend. Back before this blog, I wrote daily for my alt.com account, and those entries were, for the most part, light and joyful – a voice that’s become increasingly distant in my writing.
So today I’ll be going to see a therapist – not my first, although it’s been nearly two decades since I’ve seen one. The rest of my family has their own, and it seemed like time for me to get on with healing myself. I found her online, and she looks like a good fit, at least on the screen. I really like what she wrote about her approach to therapy – she appeals to my head and my heart, and that’s not easy to do. We’ve exchanged a few emails and I’ve outlined the mess that I call a life and she hasn’t run away screaming, and that’s definitely a good sign. She’s open to poly, which was important to me because Kyle is married, so no matter how my life goes, I plan to be in a poly relationship for a very long time.
This afternoon I’ll be going for the first visit, and we’ll decide whether it’s as good a fit in person as it is online. It’s taken a lot for me to get to this point, so I’m very hopeful that it does work out…starting out again to find another therapist doesn’t seem like that much fun right now.
However it turns out, though, I’m still pretty proud of myself for taking this step. Meeting a stranger for perverted sex is easy as candy compared to meeting a stranger to talk about myself, and it’s taken a lot of encouragement for me to get here.
I’ll let y’all know how it goes tomorrow. Fingers crossed for me, k? Thanks.
Well, this is certainly Brave Monday, isn’t it, honey? I am very proud of you for taking this step. I’m looking forward to hearing how this first meeting goes, she looks pretty good to me online as well. I think you do deserve to have your own person to talk to, someone who will listen to you without judgement or bias, and I hope she lives up to that standard.
Best of luck, my dearest love.
Kudo’s to you! and to your kink friendly therapist! Good luck to you and I hope you find the help your looking for
Just keep in mind that in time your relationship with the therapist will evolve. The first couple of sessions are always a little uncomfortable but stay with it and you will most likely find what you are looking for – some light. I’m proud of you, keep your chin up.
Fingers cross for you!
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You should be proud of yourself. This isn’t an easy step, and it’s often a scary one. I have my first appointment with a new therapist of my own tomorrow, so I know how hard it is to decide to dive in. Best of luck <3
Big step. I hope all goes well and that she turns out to be a person you feel comfortable talking to!