Last weekend I got to meet one of Theo’s favorite people (possibly their mostest favorite person in the world, to be honest,) a person Theo calls a Buddhist saint – and Theo is not a person prone to exaggeration. This friend *is* pretty wonderful – peaceful and brave and a little crazy in that way that small gods are – and Theo told me a story about her. After her father passed away, she took to writing on the walls in red ink, until the walls were covered in angry, sad, profound and profane outbursts. Sometime in the past few years she painted over it all, finally finished with saying what needed to be said.
I’m afforded no such luxury, as I’m still time-sharing this house with my ex, and, although writing “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, FUCKER!” all over the suburban blue paint in bright red sharpie might feel really, REALLY good…it’s, sadly, not an option at the moment, even though these rooms are overdue for a serious exorcism.
Here, however, the walls are all mine.
Get out.
Get out now.
I don’t care what you think and I don’t care how you feel. GET. OUT.
I know what you’ve been telling people, and I’ve tired of watching them call you a hero. You’re no hero.
You’re the bastard who hit my kids.
It wasn’t their fault. Only a monster would tell them it was.
You lied and you’re lying still – to your friends, to yourself, to god.
God knows.
I know.
My friends know.
We know, and I’m done letting you tell me I got it wrong.
I don’t need meds and I don’t need therapy.
It wasn’t my fault.
You broke me utterly.
It’s done.
Get out.
Take whatever honor you still think you have and LEAVE MY HOME.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, FUCKER!
GET OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE!
The walls are mine now.
You can’t have this medicine.
You are nothing to me now.
This gave me chills. In my mind, I went back to when I met you and ran the tape forward. So much has happened in a short time, you have changed your life and the lives of your children for the better. Of course, there is much still to do, there always is, but right now I am toasting you for the work you have done. For the personal progress you’ve made. Do you have any idea how differently you talk about yourself, about him about the situation then you did when we met? The difference is profound and amazing.
I love you so much and I admire you so much. Each step you take is important, each step is leading you toward empowerment. I am very deeply honored to be a witness to your journey. Namaste.